The Darker Side of Grey
I am writing this from a place of sadness and struggle. Today is not my day.
I feel my energy has been sucked out of me and even standing feels too much. I have cried twice at my boyfriend for no real reason and I can't bring myself to enjoy any Easter Chocolate.
That is when you know it is bad. I always want chocolate.
I have these days often, when I feel like the direction I was heading in with my life maybe isn't the correct way all of a sudden, especially after a few intense days of being INCREDIBLY sure it is the right thing.
I try to see it as a day of recovery.
Much like an intense exercise regime, you need a day to just sit and let your body recover from all the change that happened to it that week, all that energy you put into reaching those fitness goals, developing muscles etc.
It is the same with my life, I have spent the last few days putting so much into developing at my new job, improving EYM and trying things I have always wanted to (see last blog!). My body has just turned round to me today and said "No. You are done. Time for rest" and unplugged my batteries to drain me of energy.
It is hard when this happens as I can't explain easily why plans have to change, why I physically cannot do the basic thing you are asking of me or why I need to sleep for what was often considered a "ridiculous" amount of hours.
Side note, there is no such thing, if you need sleep - have sleep.
I feel guilt for affecting others lives when this happens, I feel guilt for not being consistent in my friendships, for being more of a challenge than usual to live with. Nothing anyone can do can stop that guilt but I love knowing that the people I have in my life right now understand and give me space or a hug or whatever I need that day.
Today has been harder and longer than most in isolation.
The afternoon has been a bit better. Better enough to write this at least!
So how did I make it a little better?
I changed my environment a little.
I had a shower and got straight into my slob in the house clothes. I then immediately turned myself back around, put on clothes I could leave the house in but were still comfortable and got myself a cup of tea. This is basic but it made me feel better and changed up the environment and signals I was sending to my own brain.
I have eaten healthy food when I was hungry, I have taken time to read, been for my allotted amount of exercise and got a few things off my to do list. It has helped improve my mood a little but mainly got the day to pass.
I can't wait for snuggles with the best human on the sofa this evening, a good Marvel film (they are my favourite!) and hopefully a little chocolate before an amazing sleep and a great start to my Monday.
Because tomorrow will be better.
I hope you have all had a fabulous Easter weekend and got to speak to some loved ones.
Until next week my friends!