New Year, Same Me
The end of anything is always hard. A relationship, a job, a school, a year or in this case, a decade. It brings up all those wonderful memories you have made, the challenges you have overcome to get you to where you are now and develop you into the amazing person you have become. It is also a time to consider what is coming next. A decade is a lot to consider.
Tight chest. Struggling to breath. Racing mind.
The pressure that I have felt through social media to have these amazing plans and goals for
the decade ahead is unbelievable. If I think back to the start of the last decade I would not have seen what ended up happening coming. I don’t think I could have even imagined it. By far the hardest years of life with great losses, sexual assault and so much change in a support network I thought would never break. It threw my previous plans for the decade upside down. I am not where I thought I would be 10 years ago.
I am so grateful for that.
I wouldn’t be half the person I am right now without all of those challenges. Within those challenges were some amazing moments. Travelling, getting my degree, getting a good job, meeting the love of my life, learning to stick up for myself to name a few. I couldn’t have imagined having those experiences 10 years ago, let alone be grateful for them. I hadn’t grown up enough or lived enough to know how much to appreciate these moments and achievements.
Without those challenging times I wouldn’t be able to write this.
I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good things that have and will continue to happen to me.
I wouldn’t know how I need to process and manage challenges and change that will also continue to happen to me.
I wouldn’t know how amazing the network I have is. How much they will always be there for me but understand that it is ok if they can’t.
Most importantly I wouldn’t know my boundaries.
Without those I would be lost and exhausted. I wouldn’t be who I am now. I wouldn’t be able to feel calm in the face of a new decade. I wouldn’t know when to take a break and when to agree to more extra tasks. I wouldn’t be able to sit and chat with others about it when they need help but also know there are days where I am not mentally strong enough to be there for them and that is ok. It is all ok.
I am so grateful for the last decade, the good and the bad. I am not starting the new year with a plan for my new, better self. I am pretty great already.
I can’t wait to see what the next decade has coming, who I will meet and what I will achieve. My only goal for now is to make sure I learn at least as much as I did in the last. Other than that, I am throwing it out to the universe!
Wishing you all the best for what is to come.